Scenes From The Child Care Crisis
by Red Witch
Summary: A few drabbles about what happened to AJ while Lana was in the Big House.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Archer characters has gone off to daycare. Just a few little drabbles about what was going on with AJ when Lana was in prison during Deadly Prep.**

 **Scenes From The Child Care Crisis **

"What the hell is **that?** " Ron did a double take as Mallory walked into the house carrying a squealing AJ.

"You know what **this is!"** Mallory gave him a look. "This is my granddaughter, you idiot! You know? The child Lana had with Sterling's stolen semen?"

"Then let me rephrase that," Ron said. " **Why** is she here?"

"Because Lana got herself arrested and my idiot son is too stupid and selfish to look after his own child while his baby mama is in the Big House!" Mallory snapped.

" **Lana** got arrested?" Ron was stunned. "For _what?"_

"Stalking and illegal possession of a gun," Mallory grunted as she handed AJ off to Ron. "Can you believe it?"

"Oh no! That's horrible!" Ron was stunned. "I can't believe it!"

"I know," Mallory said.

"I had Sterling in the arrest pool!" Ron shouted.

"What?" Mallory gave him a look.

"I was in your office pool of who would get arrested first," Ron explained. "No offense doll but I was sure it would be Sterling. I mean he is the more likely candidate."

"None taken," Mallory sighed. "I had him too. Damn it! Now I'm out a hundred bucks!"

"Unless nobody had Lana," Ron pointed out. "Then the pool just reverts back…"

"Good point," Mallory grumbled. "Since Cyril has called Shapiro and is handling the legal aspects and Sterling is off getting drunk…I've been tasked with watching my grandchild."

"You mean you want **me** to watch your grandchild," Ron gave her a look.

"You get me so well," Mallory went off. "I'm off to bed. I suppose you should feed her or something."

Ron gave AJ a look. "Better pray your Mommy has a good lawyer kiddo. Because being stuck with your grandma could be worse than staying in the big house."

"I HEARD THAT!" Mallory shouted.

FLASHFORWARD TO THE NEXT DAY…

"I can't believe Lana got arrested," Ray groaned as the gang sat around the bullpen.

"Damn it!" Cheryl snapped. "I had Pam!"

"I had you," Pam looked at Cheryl.

"I had Archer," Ray said. "He is the more obvious choice."

"That's why I picked him in the pool," Krieger nodded.

"Me too," Mallory sighed as she held a drink in her hand. "Cyril and Archer are dealing with the whole bail process. Hopefully this will be resolved shortly."

"Where's AJ?" Pam looked around. "She's not still in day care is she?"

"Considering she's just been banned from pre-preschool…" Ray realized.

"Don't worry," Mallory waved. "Ron is looking after her today. I'm sure it will be fine…"

Somewhere across town…

"Coming down to the wire they're neck and neck!" The announcer at the race track called out. "It's Red Witch alongside Snake Screamer. Followed by It's Only Thursday and Nothing Good On TV! And coming along it's Cherry Berry Ultimate Mix Smoothie with Star Saber21, Warlord Xana, Coldfusion 180, Lee Lou Jackon, Quillian, and Thank You To Everyone I Didn't Mention!"

"And at the back of the back it's Make America Great Again and I'm With Her fighting for **dead last**! Now they're fighting each other! Dear lord they are actually fighting each other! I have never seen such a shameful display at a racetrack since Beck Bristow gave that horse cocaine!"

"And at the wire it's Red Witch by a nose! Red Witch wins!"

"And Make America Great Again and I'm With Her are still fighting as if they really don't care to what's going on…"

"All right sweetie!" Ron whooped. "Grandpa Ron just won a hundred bucks!"

 _Let it ride_! Baby AJ thought to herself as she squealed in Ron's arms.

"Let's see how much we can win off of A Giraffe in the fourth," Ron said. "Seriously, the horse's name is A Giraffe. So you can honestly tell your mommy that you saw A Giraffe. Well if you could talk that is…"

The next day…

"Here she is," Archer called out. "Guess who broke out of the Big House?"

"Oh my baby! My baby!" Lana squealed with joy as she picked up AJ at Mallory's home. "Oh my sweet little AJ! Mommy missed you so much! Did you miss Mommy? Because Mommy missed you!"

"Geeze Lana," Archer rolled his eyes. "You weren't gone that long!"

"It was an eternity for me!" Lana glared at him. "And you didn't exactly make it easier!"

"Again I wasn't going to waste money on a canteen account when you were only in there for a few more hours!" Archer snapped.

"Finally," Mallory breathed a sigh of relief. "You can take care of your own child for a change!"

"What are **you** complaining about?" Ron barked. "I'm the one that did most of the work!"

"Oh I don't care!" Lana hugged AJ. "I'm just so glad to be out of there and with my baby again!"

"You have no idea how much trouble you caused your mom kiddo," Archer said to AJ. Everyone looked at her. "What? If you think about it, what happened was kind of her fault."

"Archer…" Lana groaned. "No, not now. I'm just too happy to be back with my baby!" She kissed AJ again. "Thanks Ron and Mallory. I hope she wasn't any trouble."

"Are you kidding?" Ron smiled. "We had a great time. And I think she's a good luck charm. I won over five hundred bucks at the track because of her!"

"You took my child to the **racetrack?"** Lana shouted. "How could you?"

"Yeah!" Archer shouted indignantly. "I was going to take her for her first time! That was going to be **our thing**!"

"Archer!" Lana barked.

"Spoiler alert," Mallory groaned. "It wasn't her first time."

"WHAT?" Lana and Archer did a double take.

"On those weekends when you two were 'working'," Mallory made air quotes. "Ron and I would take AJ to Belmont and make a weekend out of it."

"And we would always win a pretty penny I might add," Ron said.

"We really did," Mallory admitted. "I have to admit Ron might have a point. The only time I ever really won a lot of money is while I was with my grandchild."

"She's a good luck charm this one!" Ron grinned.

"Really?" Archer was thinking. "Say Lana…"

"NO!" Lana barked.

"Come on Lana!" Archer said. "If you think about it a racetrack is basically like a zoo. Only they only show one type of animal and they get to run around!"

"He has a point," Mallory admitted.

"She did see A Giraffe," Ron added.

"That was the name of a horse wasn't it?" Mallory asked.

"Pretty much yeah," Ron admitted.

"God if my child doesn't become a criminal mastermind it will be a miracle," Lana groaned.


End file.
